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Jacqui L is planning her live show which will take you to Planet Parallel 5. The Planet Parallel 5 Tourism Board looks forward to your visit.
This is Jacqui L
This is Jacqui L. She lives on PLANET PARALLEL 5. Affectionately referred to by its inhabitants (known as Planet Parallel 5ians) as PP5.
In the interest of specificity... yes - Jacqui L is a scorpion of sorts... and yes - those are her eyes on her tail. (And yes- it takes a great deal of limbering and warm-up for her to apply her mascara each day, but she does, as vanity is as powerful a force on PP5 as it is on Earth.) If one WERE tempted by the waft of the tacky perfume of a cheap joke at this time, one MIGHT say that Jacqui L possesses a particular biological predisposition for hindsight (given her eyes are on her tail), but this author has decided that such an attempt at such competitively priced humour is beneath her... at this time.
PP5 is an awfully long way away. The few earthlings motivated and wealthy enough to have traveled to this curious planet have been sorely disappointed when turned away by PP5's prickly customs officials due to expired passports (after all, their passports had 10 years on them when they disembarked from earth!). It does go to show however that you can travel all the way across the galaxy and yet some things remain constant... That is of course that it appears that customs officials are a delightfully reasonable bunch throughout the universe.
Everything Jacqui L knows about Earthlings she learned from the few Earthling TV shows available to PP5ians. Those shows being "Keeping Up With the Kardashians", "the Simpsons", "Sumo Summertime" (the sumo wrestling channel) and "Judge Judy". Needless to say Jacqui L is confused about Earthlings. She understands them to be somewhere between yellow and orange and brown in appearance, sometimes 2-dimensional, sometimes 3-dimensional (although the irony that many of the 2-dimensional characters she has been watching are endowed with infinitely more intellectual and cultural depth than their 3-dimensional counterparts is wasted on her), and she takes it for fact that Earthlings are primarily concerned with big sunglasses, ladies with big bottoms, men in big g-strings and little arguments.
With a degree of deflation, this author suspects that Jacqui L's understanding of Earthlings is more accurate than she herself realises.
As you may have suspected, Jacqui L plays a little piano (well not "a little piano" but rather a little bit of piano) and she sings a little too (the previous description applying equally to her singing).
She opines loudly and frequently -with a tendency towards pontification- and has noticed that if she lovingly veils these usually unsolicited opinions in song and rhyme, people consider her closer to an artist and further from an insufferable know it all. So this is what she does.
Jacqui L hopes you enjoy her debut album PLANET PARALLEL 5 - she also hopes you understand that she will reply to all fan mail but that the mail service between PP5 and Earth has been known to be - at times - a little slow.
Welcome to PLANET PARALLEL 5 (PP5)
The birth planet of your tour guide - Jacqui L - The Little Scorpion Girl with her eyes on her tail.
The PP5TB appreciate that you have transversed quite the intergalactic highway to arrive on our beautiful black and grey shores, and recommend that the best known treatment for intergalactic rocket-lag is to lie back on a comfy bean bag, put on your very best headphones, close your eyes and experience a taste of the the auditory delights that PLANET PARALLEL 5 has to offer.
Dinner will be served at 18:00 PP5ST (PLANET PARALLEL 5 standard time).
PLANET PARALLEL 5 was created by these people (despite their somewhat divine role in this creation, please refrain from calling them creators or gods - their robust egos need no encouragement).
All songs written by Jacqui L
All vocals and keys - Jacqui L
Produced/drums/percussion - Joe Accaria
Produced/guitars/engineered and mixed - Marty Hailey
Bass on all tracks (except Rich Man and Could Be) - Dave Symes
Bass on Rich Man and Could Be - James Haselwood
Mastered - King Willie Sound (William Bowden)